everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
