Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
