margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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