He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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