grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
