lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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