Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
