U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
