and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
