So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
