when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
