I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
