we have officially mastered the walk of shame
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
