so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
