You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
