i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
