I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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