you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
