last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I currently don't understand fingers.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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