Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
