you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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