just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
