If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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