That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
