just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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