jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
