i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
