Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
