I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize