I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
