But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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