Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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