you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
