I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
