Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
