What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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