fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
