I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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