you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
