he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
