I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This is my gift to your gina
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
