she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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