listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
