We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
