fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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