My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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