I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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