I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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