If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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