We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
