if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
