wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
