dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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