I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
