Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
