So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
