Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
