What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
