i need an iv and a liver transplant
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
