I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
