I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
