he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
