Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
