When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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