she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
