So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
