maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
