so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize