I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
