I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
