dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
